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I have always felt like I take up too much space. It’s partially my body — I have always been curvier than many of my peers — but it seems like more than that. Maybe it’s my emotions, which are oftentimes too big, or my voice, which seems to echo off the walls of every room I enter. My laugh could wake up an entire neighborhood. Even to myself, I sometimes feel inescapable.

It took time and a lot of awkward incidents for me to finally decide that I was, indeed, far too big for the space people expected me to occupy. I was clumsy — I bumped into people and knocked into side tables, totally unaware of where I stood in relation to the rest of the world. When I went out with my friends, people around us seemed too aware of my presence. (“I don’t know if you noticed, but the people at the table next to us were listening to you the whole time,” my friends would tell me far too often.) Sometimes I’d hear what people said about me when they didn’t think I could hear them and have to pretend it didn’t hurt me, like I didn’t know, like I didn’t even care — like it didn’t make me resent myself just a little more than before.

But sometimes it was a whole lot clearer than that. It really hit me until I was sitting in the living room with my college roommate, listening to her complain about a classmate she couldn’t stand as we sipped from glasses of wine. “I’m so over her,” she complained. “She’s just… a lot.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” I asked, mostly out of curiosity. For all of her complaining, I couldn’t understand what irked my roommate so much.

She paused, then shrugged. “I don’t know. She’s a bit like you, I guess.” She waved a hand in my direction as if to capture the very essence of me. “You know, too much sometimes.”

Though it was maybe the first time I’d heard it in words, the concept itself wasn’t new to me. It was something I’d always suspected. Too much, too much, too much. And yet somehow, the way she said it made me feel like I wasn’t enough. I was simultaneously too big and too small. If there was a happy medium, I had no idea how to find it. All I knew was that I hated how her words made me feel.

And so I tried so hard to change. If I was always at an 11, I tried to tamp myself down to a four. I held my tongue when all I wanted to do was scream. When I felt bombarded with an emotion, I did whatever I could to suppress it, to push it down so far that maybe I wouldn’t feel it anymore. I’d suck in my stomach and hunch my shoulders and cross my legs as tightly as I could and try to shrink myself, to disappear if I could. I did everything I could to appear less than what I was — and for some reason, that’s genuinely what I wanted to be.

Wasn’t it?

But here’s the thing about trying to change yourself to fit other people’s standards: You’ll never feel like yourself. Something will always be missing, even if you aren’t sure what it is. And as I tried so hard to fit into what I felt was acceptable, I realized I became less and less sure of who I was and more and more likely to let people treat me like I was inferior to them. I let them talk down to me because I believed the things they said. I let them get away with shitty things because, when I thought about it hard enough, it felt justified. Perhaps the worst part of all was that I thought I deserved it. I’d tricked myself into believing I was too little, too small.

The truth is, deep down, I know that I am a lot. But what it took me so long to realize was that isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

Because when I let myself be exactly who I am, I become a woman who knows what she wants. I become a woman who feels big things, who allows herself to experience every emotion she encounters. I become a woman who doesn’t care that I don’t look like an actress or a model or the barista from my regular coffee shop that I’ve always been a little jealous of. I become a woman with so many thoughts and dreams and opinions, who’s unafraid to articulate them. I become a woman who reclaims every inch of space she had taken away from her and every piece that she willingly gave away.

And god, how I love that woman so wholeheartedly. 

It was a long journey to embrace her again, filled with insecurities and doubts and a lot of self-hatred. It took a long time to stop caring about what everyone around me thought, because for the longest time, that was the only thing that mattered to me. But when the thing you let guide your life becomes the thing that stops you from fully experiencing it, maybe it’s time to recognize that it’s not as important as you always thought it was.

I don’t talk to my old roommate anymore. There’s a lot of people who I don’t talk to anymore, people who preferred an altered version of myself over who I really am. People who I decided to reclaim my space from, finally and permanently, even when they weren’t ready to give it back. Of course it was hard, and of course it was sad, but mostly it was freeing. I have never felt so fully alive.

I think the most important thing for a woman who takes up too much space to remember is that there are people in the world who will love you for exactly that. There are people in the world who will feel enveloped by who you are. There are people in the world who will relish every inch of you and never ask you to shrink yourself or become less than, who will never want you to be anyone else.

I see that now in the people in my life. I see it when I make a bad joke and my friend can only smirk and shake his head. “God,” he said once, “you’re too much.” But this time, it didn’t feel like an insult. There was so much affection in those words, so much warmth, as if to say, “And that is exactly the right amount.” And I know now that it is.

Maybe I’ll always be too much. Maybe I’ll always take up too much space. But maybe it has always belonged to me. TC mark



It’s not the juiciest story, but it really freaked me out at the time. I was playing games on my computer one evening at around 10 PM and decided to just finish what I was doing and then head to bed since I had work the next day. Next thing I know, I’m sat in front of a black screen in just my undies and it’s 4 AM. Computer was cold, so it must’ve been off for at least a little while. No idea what happened because I don’t have a history of sleepwalking.


I went to a festival one weekend a few summers back. It was a pretty heavy weekend, but nothing out of the ordinary. I drove back to my apartment on the Sunday and figured I’d have the day to myself and just chill, get some takeaway etc. So I get in, pop a couple etizolam (similar to Xanax) and smoke a joint.

Come to and it’s Wednesday evening. I had missed 3 days of work, most of my stash is gone, call log shows I had two 7 minute phone calls with a director from my company at some point and I had absolutely zero recollection of anything since Sunday afternoon.

It was absolutely wild, never been so disorientated in my life. Luckily everything was OK with my job and I ended up just going in on Thursday with minimal repercussions. I had a bit of a drug problem at the time and this was the low point that made me start turning things around.


It happened to me in first grade. Class was over and I remember walking deliberately to the bus pickup area. Only, when I got there, there were no buses. No kids, no teachers, just an empty parking lot. I went back inside where my teacher found me and called my mom. I’ve always wondered if I’m repressing some horrible event.


I decided to take an impromptu weekend trip for my son’s birthday. He lives in Wichita I lived in Atlanta. Flights were too expensive so I decided to drive.

This is a 17 hour drive each way without including stops. I made it in time for his birthday but had to drive back home a few hours after.

After about 4 hours of driving it was 8am. I remember distinctly checking the time. Next thing I remember is glancing back down at the clock and it being 2pm. Scariest moment of my life. I panicked like I had just slept through work but instead I “slept” through 6 hours of driving.


I was exhausted after being rotated Closing/Opening every other day for two weeks. I got in my car after a particularly long day, started it up and waited for it warm up, next thing I was aware of was sitting in my parent’s driveway (I was about 20 at the time, had just broken up with an asshole and moved back) with the car off but I was still buckled in.

My job was 12 miles, straight shot on the freeway, from home.

I have no idea how I drove myself home safely, because I have ZERO memory of it.


I was a kid, my family and I were staying in a hotel room. We had just finished watching the Land Before Time and everyone else had fallen asleep, but I stayed up because I wanted to watch the snow on the TV for no reason.

One minute I was sitting in front of the TV watching the snow while everyone was asleep. The next moment, I was still sat in front of the TV with eyes wide open, only it was morning and everyone was waking up.

I felt like I had slept all night, but I don’t think I ever closed my eyes.

I can only assume I hypnotized myself.


Went out of my dorm at 2 pm to go buy some food, returned at 9 pm. Freezing, with wet hair, not feeling my toes or fingers because apparently there was a hail and I went out without hat or gloves. I had a bunch of random stuff in my backpack that I assume I bought like a pair of cheap headphones, a picture frame and drying rack clips. I also had an ice cream paper cup which indicates I ate ice cream in -15 degrees Celsius OUTSIDE and an empty cup of iced coffee. My bf freaked the fuck out, because I told him I had no idea where I was and what I was doing. Surprisingly I didn’t get sick. Only a bit creeped out.


I work the night shift at a warehouse. There were several days, usually around 3am or so, when I would kind of regain awareness. What is this in my hand? Where did it come from? Where am I supposed to put it? How long have I been sleepwalking through work? How many mistakes have I made??? Would happen maybe once a week or every other week if I loaded up on caffeine/energy shots. I’ve moved buildings and can stay awake my whole shift these days.

Could have been worse, honestly, and I’m genuinely surprised that this never caused a bigger problem than mildly freaking me out considering I worked around heavy machinery and conveyor belts a lot.


I had a suicide attempt that ended up causing me serious brain damage. I woke up having no memory of the last 5 months prior to the attempt. 7 years later I am just now beginning to fill the gaps.


Was on a transatlantic flight. Got into a good conversation with my seatmate, had several glasses of wine. Then about 4 hours from the destination, we both decided to get some sleep. But I was still animated from the discussion so took a sleeping pill.

On landing, the flight attendant woke me up. I exited, went to baggage claim, was picked up by my friend, went to her house, then crashed on the sofa.

Several hours later I awoke and could remember NOTHING of the landing, getting off the plane, going to baggage claim and immigration, meeting my friend, the drive to her place, our conversation—NOTHING. A complete blackout. Complete memory loss. No telling what I did or said during that time.

They mean it when they say on the pill bottle DO NOT TAKE WITH ALCOHOL.


It wasn’t related to that kind of combination of things, but I had a professor who lost several hours because of exhaustion. He remembered getting in a cab at the airport at whatever time, and about seven hours later woke up in his hotel room, sprawled on the bed, still wearing his overcoat and with his briefcase still in his hand, hanging over the edge of the bed. He had checked in and gotten to his room in some weird sleep state.


I have PTSD and this happens a lot, just flashbacks and memories I get caught in and can’t escape. I snap out of it sometimes minutes or hours later, had full text conversations whilst in the middle of it I don’t remember.


I got drugged and robbed on an international trip. Dude in a bar started chatting me up. I got up to go to the bathroom (left my drink unattended). Next thing I know (about an hour later), I’m disoriented and standing outside the bar and my stuff is gone. All in all, was still a fun trip. Never change, Berlin.


A guy was taking his drivers license exam and they were approaching the first stop sign. He remembers preparing himself for what to do as it was a 4 way stop.

The next thing he remembers is his driving instructor saying “Did we pass that stop sign?” followed by him looking in his rear view mirror to see it already behind him.


I had an “urgent cesarian.”

I remember being in the operating theater and my baby being whisked away to the nicu. My next memory is being in a room with my husband and he’s about ready to head home, but got me snacks.

Apparently I missed five or so hours of my life in the recovery room after surgery. I was having full on conversations with everybody that entered the room, but I can’t remember any of it. I’ve asked my husband what I would talk about and he said everything, whatever the means. I don’t even remember what the recovery room looked like.


I don’t remember being 6. I remember saying in my seventh birthday that I literally just turned 6 and now I was 7. It was really weird.


Early 2000s, I used to do a rural paper route, 6 days a week, 1am to 5am. I never saw other humans or even animals often. My route almost never changed, no new customers, no new areas added, the monotony made all the days blur together. One night, 1:00am, I drove out of the depot where I pick up the papers, blinked and it was 4:30am and I was on the road to my house with no papers in my car. I remember very clearly the radio skipping from an advertisement to the middle section of an Unwritten Law song. My car lights were off too, the thing that snapped me out of it was that my rural street to my house has no street lights (most of the route had on the road) and I was driving into total darkness. I was confused and even called in the next day to make sure my papers got delivered, and they did. I think the level of boringness just made me go into a mindless trance.


Walking down a hall at work, blink and I’m sitting in a chair at the other end of the hall with a nurse asking me if I’m okay.


Type 1: The Reformer

Best: You’re dedicated to making the world around you a better place, and you aren’t afraid to start with yourself. You’re principled and objective- the kind of person people love to come to when they need an unbiased perspective. You’re straightforward and can’t stand to see people treated unfairly, and you’ll take up for your loved ones if you see it happening. You’re able to recall details and the small stuff that others might miss, and they appreciate you for it.

Worst: You’re too hard on yourself and on others- you believe everyone should adhere to perfect standards and tear them apart when they don’t. You have a hard time trusting anyone because you can’t see how anyone could possibly be good or upstanding with so much corruption in the world. You know you’re not perfect, but you do tend to think you’re in higher moral standing than others because of how fixated you are on “right” and “wrong.” Even when you step out of line morally, you’re still quick to judge others harshly, and you don’t care if you’re being hypocritical about it.

Type 2: The Helper

Best: You go out of your way to make others feel loved and appreciated. You’re in tune with the needs of the people around you, and you do whatever you can to make them feel welcomed and included in any situation. You don’t expect anything from others in return, just knowing you’ve made someone feel loved is enough for you. You are able to shine a light on other’s positive aspects that they may have a hard time seeing, and people are drawn towards your warmth and assurance.

Worst: You want to feel needed, so you involve yourself in the lives of others and try to “fix” their problems- even if they never asked you to. You claim you don’t want anything in return, but you feel resentful if people don’t thank or validate the things you do, which leads to you being passive-aggressive and hurtful over time. You become possessive over others if you feel they are slipping away from you, and aren’t afraid to manipulate a situation if it means ensuring that you are needed.

Type 3: The Achiever

Best: You’re ambitious and hard-working, unafraid to chase after your goals with a passion others admire. You have a knack for picking up multiple skills and are adaptable to whatever life throws at you. You’re charming and people are naturally drawn to your confidence- you inspire others to believe in themselves because they see the example in you. When it comes to making things happen, people know they can count on you to lead the way.

Worst: You’re concerned with being successful above anything else- so you will do whatever it takes to get there. You won’t hesitate to manipulate or use others if it means creating connections that will further your goals. You can be jealous and downplay other’s happiness and success stories if you feel you’re not where you want to be in life. You have a tendency to believe that you’re superior to others because of your charm and work ethic, discounting anyone who doesn’t appear to be on the same level as you.

Type 4: The Individualist

Best: You’re incredibly self-aware and strive for authenticity in all your relationships. You aren’t afraid to ask the tougher questions in order to get to the heart of a matter- you’re always searching for something you feel is missing. You’re intensely in tune with your emotions and the emotions of others, and you’re able to express them in creative and unique ways. People are drawn to your complexity and emotional awareness.

Worst: You are convinced you are so different from everyone else that you believe no one is worth getting close to. You alienate others in an attempt to prove you’re special and complex. You allow your emotions to rule your life and you don’t spend much time thinking of the consequences. You can tend to blame the rest of the world for your behaviors because you believe no one could ever possibly understand who you are or what you need.

Type 5: The Investigator

Best: You’re inquisitive and intellectual, and have a relentless thirst for understanding the world around you. You’re able to take in large amounts of information and analyze it, giving you a full in-depth understanding of whatever it is you’re wanting to know. People are drawn to your curiosity and intelligence, and your ability to look at the world in a multi-faceted yet objective way. You’re able to come up with unconventional, insightful methods to problems that you see, and people admire your ability to take on an issue in a different and effective way.

Worst: You’re arrogant and prideful of your intelligence, and you view yourself as superior to the majority of people you come into contact with. You distance yourself from emotions, and in turn, you tend to devalue the importance of caring for others emotions. You detach from the world and refuse to let others get close to you, viewing them as a distraction and threat to your way of life.

Type 6: The Loyalist

Best: You’re protective and reliable- you want to make sure the people you love are safe and taken care of. You are consistently able to see any potential problems that may arise in a situation, giving you a sense of preparedness that others appreciate. You are loyal and dedicated, and strive to be a safe haven that people can turn to. People are drawn to your warmth and assuredness- they know without a doubt that they can trust you in any circumstance.

Worst: You allow fear to run your life. You are so afraid of what could go wrong, you rarely choose to take any risks or follow through on situations. You fear for your own safety as well as the safety of your loved ones, and it causes you to smother your relationships in attempts to have a grip on things. You believe no one can truly be trusted, and you allow your insecurity to make your decisions for you.

Type 7: The Enthusiast

Best: You’re explorative and excitable, viewing the world as full of possibilities. You bring a strong sense of joy and optimism to your surroundings, and people appreciate your desire to make others laugh and keep their spirits up. You’re adaptable and spontaneous, ready to take on whatever life may throw your way. People are drawn to your adventurous streak and uplifting attitude that inspires them to pursue their own goals and dreams.

Worst: You’re impulsive to a fault- you don’t necessarily think through your decisions. You tend to think you know more than you do about certain topics, and you assert your “intelligence” over others often. You often allow your restlessness and boredom to lead the way so you can avoid dealing with your problems. You don’t always follow through on your promises to others if you come across a better opportunity, and it can cause you to sever your relationships with people.

Type 8: The Challenger

Best: You are strong and direct about your goals- you aren’t afraid to take action whenever it’s called for. You can come off as intimidating, but you have a big heart that cares deeply for others- particularly ones who you sense need protecting. You are influential in a positive way, and you aren’t afraid to use that to advocate for fairness and equality in the world. People admire you for your strength and determination, as well as your follow-through in making things happen rather than just thinking about it.

Worst: You’re demanding and domineering, unaware or unaffected by how intimidating you are to others. You don’t want to be controlled so you exert control over others, insisting you know what’s best. You tend to dismiss those that you consider weak or ineffective, and you don’t have any issues walking all over a person to do whatever you think is necessary. You act quickly and without much thought, which can cause pain and unnecessary consequences in a situation that could’ve been highly avoidable.

Type 9: The Peacemaker

Best: You’re genuine and kind-hearted, and it radiates through you in a big way. You care deeply about understanding others as well as yourself, and you strive to bring people together in a positive way. You make others feel at home and validated when they’re with you, and they aren’t afraid to be themselves. You’re agreeable and adaptable, willing to go with the flow when life takes a turn for the unexpected. You have an overwhelming amount of patience and empathy, and people are drawn to your authentic nature and desire to help others see the good in themselves.

Worst: You allow others to walk all over you in the name of peace. You rely too much on what others think of you or what they need from you, so you’re willing to change to become whatever they want you to be. You hesitate to speak up about what you need, then become resentful when those needs aren’t met. You prefer to sweep issues under the rug so that you can avoid conflict, regardless of how desperately the issue may need to be addressed. You become passive-aggressive towards others when you feel you’re being overlooked or ignored and will blame others for not being there for you.



The free drinks.


The dancing.


Getting ideas for your own wedding.


The happy tears.


Getting dressed up.


Taking pictures.


The flowers.


Hooking up.


The free food.


The music.


The romance.


Meeting new people — and seeing old friends. TC mark


It has been exactly eight months since I lived here. I return to my old apartment for the first time in two years. The starting place of us. The ending of us. It’s the first night and I can’t sleep. I toss and turn and wake up at 4:46 a.m. to wander the streets.

We used to wander these streets together early in the mornings, unwilling to fall asleep. Time was so limited and we’d make excuses to find every spare sidewalk space to stop. I turn the corner to a set of stairs, stepping down each one by one, noting how they have crumbled over time. The streets hold our story, each corner a memory of a conversation, each brick building wall once a resting spot for our heads. The walls and steps now lay bare, the ivy dead, and small trickles of graffiti beginning to fill in what was once beautifully living.

I remember roaming these streets breathless, full of life, anxiously waiting to see you again. This city was my home. I never wanted to settle until I met you. You let me believe that stability was good and letting go of self-reservations was worthwhile. I’m loathing turning any corner, knowing there are spirits dangling our memories above my head. I overhear faint laughter against the walls, sad sobs echoing in the park, pitter-patter of footsteps running up stairs, all like ghosts of our past. Every memory catapults inside my stomach like an unexpected plot twist during a film.

The sun begins to peek above the trees, eyes squinting to adjust to the daylight. Each step is a flashback to a time in my life that felt pure, in love, and whimsical. It was a dream I never wanted to end. But as I walk, our story unfolds before me, the streets spelling out what love in this city is like — astonishing, yet broken. I wonder how I missed clues to our end all along.


I sat atop the ruins, overlooking the tourists I used to adore. I love that about this city — tourists are here regardless of the time of year. It’s a city of ancient dreams that never died, still buried within the cracks of buildings leftover from years of wars and battles, unmaintained by a corrupt government. It bleeds romance and mystifies centuries of change. I slip my notebook out of my pocket and write, “This is a new beginning.” It’s painful to scribble that after once assuming this was a permanent home. It was just a necessary stopping point in time. It was years I needed to fall in love, to find true friendship, to find complete happiness, to find myself.

As I pack my things, say goodbye to my old housemates and friends and you, our ending comes to a close. And strangely, it exhibits a proper ending, as if this was what would have happened all along, regardless of anything that could have changed our paths over the past few years.

I fly off to the city of lights. We always joked about how much I hated the people in that city. I’ve started to love the things we used to hate.


One month later, I have fallen in love with the city of love. I’m in love with its people, its culture, the freshness of an old city that isn’t littered with the thoughts of us. Isn’t it funny how life can throw you unexpected surprises when you least expect them or want them? I’m certain this is where I was destined to develop into my adult self, learning to love life with grains of salt, to love friends and family deeply, to live fully. When I looked back on the eternal city, it reminds me of being young and in my early twenties — the phase I needed to push through — but this city is where I was designated to flourish.

And while I hate starting over, this feels like a new beginning. A new me. The path here was breathtaking, turbulent, and heartbreaking. I’m convinced you must shatter your world entirely and slowly assemble the pieces in the way they were intended to be constructed.

This new construction of me is tainted, fragile, unpredictable. But this is exactly where I’m supposed to be, and where I’m supposed to be is always better than where I thought I should have been.


1. Washington – evergreen trees.

2. Pennsylvania – chocolate and mushrooms.

3. New York – uncollected garbage baking in the sun.

4. Texas – oil and feedlots with a little TexMex food thrown in.

5. California – sourdough bread and marijuana smoke coming through the air conditioner from another car on the highway.

6. Minnesota – morning lakeside dew and decaying fish.

7. Wisconsin – beer and Polish sausage.

8. Indiana – three layers: coal, corn, mosquito.

9. Nebraska – corn and cow shit.

10. Tennessee – gasoline and Cracker Barrel.

11. South Carolina – I’m not sure you can make a pothole scented candle, but maybe one that smells like tar or worn tires?

12. Oregon – weed.

13. Illinois – wet corn/hay.

14. Kentucky – a bourbon scent or a freshly-mowed lawn scent.

15. West Virginia – pepperoni rolls and deer meat.

16. New Jersey – the pine barrens, smokey, charred and burnt from the usual summer dry fires.

17. North Dakota – it supposedly has a real nice scent, but any time you try and light it, the temp drops to absolute zero and the winds hit 70mph, and it blows out the candle. We’re still wondering what the hell it smells like.

18. Missouri – BBQ and meth.

19. Arizona – that pre-rain mesquite smell with sunscreen.

20. Maryland – old bay seasoning and polluted bay water.

21. Idaho – fresh cut onions. I know y’all think this state is all about potatoes, but in a few weeks time when all the onions are harvested, the entire state will smell like a giant freshly chopped onion. They literally load the trucks to overflowing with onions, and for several weeks you’ll find onions on the side of the road – even in pretty large metro areas.

22. Kansas – the air after a fresh spring rain… that unexpectedly turned into a violent storm and knocked over the fertilizer plant.

23. Delaware – a light airy beach smell, mixed with some farm and the smell of money.

24. Rhode Island – coffee extract and seafood, with a hint of lemonade on the side.

25. Utah – essential oils.

26. Connecticut – smells like taxes.

27. Vermont – maple or hops.

28. Georgia – peanuts and chicken shit.

29. Arkansas – pine and honeysuckle.

30. Louisiana – crawfish boil.

31. Florida – sunscreen and rain.

32. Nevada – alien ass.

33. Wyoming – like sage after the rain

34.New Hampshire – heroin and lilacs.

35. Iowa – corn, pig shit, stale Busch Light.

36. Massachusetts – Dunkin Donuts coffee, flavored with Championships in all major sports.

37. North Carolina – pollen.

38. Michigan – new car.

39. Mississippi – pollen and meth.

40. New Mexico– roasted green chile.

41. Montana – skunk on the highway.

42. Maine – cigarettes and lobster.

43. Colorado – pine.

44. Alabama – it would smell like my cousin.

45. Virginia – peanuts.

46. South Dakota – Reservation Pine. As in its tolerable due to the pine after scent.

47. Hawaii – tourist-scented candles

48. Oklahoma – heat and cow crap.

49. Ohio – burning rubber.

50. Alaska – smoked salmon. TC mark


1. I hope this gets me laid.

2. First!

3. What’s with all the empty vodka bottles?

4. Oh wow, I can see Earth, it’s… it’s flat.

5. Can we reset and do that take again? I wasn’t really feeling my motivation.

6. Mom come pick me up I’m scared.

7. Bodies….where did all these bodies come from?

8. Time to clap some alien cheeks.

9. We brought the flag right?

10. Fuck, I think I locked the keys in the Lander.

11. Houston, do you think I should’ve used the bathroom before the mission?

12. It wasn’t worth the trip…

13. I am… really fucking high right now.

14. Is that an asteroid heading to earth?

15. It seems we’re not the first ones here.

16. That didn’t feel right, let me do it again.

17. Wow. This is a letdown.

18. Alright I’m here, detonate the earth.

19. Moon’s haunted.

20. It’s fucking cheese!

21. Wait, don’t start filming yet, my helmet isn’t on right.

22. Who the hell are you?

23. Fuck, I left the stove on!!

24. How do I get back?

25. I could really go for a taco right now.

26. Cool, millions of dollars just to put me and this bozo on a worthless rock, and see our garbage planet.

27. Ah fuck, it wasn’t a fart… Now it’s floating into my helmet… I’m done, fuck this… Going home for new pants.

28. Hail Hydra.

29. I claim this moon in the name of Russia.

30. I think I stepped on a dog shit.

31. How was that take, Mr. Kubrick?

32. What’s with this hammer and sickle etched in?

33. It’s all sticky!

34. That’s one small step for man, one… one… Line! Sorry guys.



When you’re searching for a serious relationship but all the guys you’re interested in only want to sleep with you, it makes you wonder whether you’re doing something wrong. Why are you good enough to invite into the bedroom but not good enough to take out for a romantic dinner? Why are you good enough to kiss behind closed doors but not good enough to meet his parents over the holidays? Why are you good enough to spend night after night alongside but not enough to spend mornings alongside?

Even though there are guys who are ‘interested’ in you, it doesn’t raise your confidence. If anything, it makes you feel even more insecure. It makes you wonder whether the only thing you have to offer is your body. It makes you look at yourself in a dark, self-destructive way. It makes you feel worthless.

No matter how much effort you put into someone, no matter how many cute texts you send them or how many compliments you give, you know they’re going to get bored of you eventually. They’re going to move on and ask to stay ‘friends’. They’re going to decide you aren’t good enough to date and move onto the next person.

And if they start dating the next person, if they turn the next person into an official girlfriend, it makes you feel even worse. It makes it clear they were ready for a relationship. They just weren’t interested in starting one with you.

Even though you know how dangerous comparisons can be, it’s hard not to compare yourself to the girl who came after you, the girl who got everything that you wanted, the girl who convinced him to make a commitment.

When you’re searching for a serious relationship but all the guys you’re interested in only want to sleep with you, it makes you question a lot of things. Are you chasing after the wrong people, the type of people who aren’t built to stay loyal to you? Or are you giving off the wrong vibe, the vibe of someone who is fun and carefree and completely fine with casual hookups?

It sucks when you know someone is interested in you but you’re afraid to take a step forward with them because they might only be interested in one part of you. They might get what they want and leave. They might walk away smiling while you have to suffer through another broken heart.

It sucks when people assume you’re too strong and independent to get hurt by a casual hookup — or when they simply don’t care whether you get hurt at all.

When you’re searching for a serious relationship but all the guys you’re interested in only want to sleep with you, a part of you wants to give up on dating, to stop trying to find someone willing to make a serious commitment, to protect yourself by staying alone.

But you try your hardest to hold onto the hope that someone out there will treat you right, someone out there will want you for more than a single night. TC mark


1. We feel like we are falling behind in life.

Whether you are a student, taking a break from school, working, or just trudging through everyday life, many of us feel like we aren’t doing enough or we aren’t where we should be in life. There might be days where we feel confident and fulfilled because we are doing things that make us feel accomplished. These are the moments we all post on Instagram and feel proud to boast to others about.

But the real moments we struggle with are behind the scenes when we have silent breakdowns about when “our time” will be and why it seems as if success in life is the only ultimate goal. It is a constant battle of finding happiness even if we don’t get everything we want when we want it.

2. We attach our self-worth to what we do.

I often wonder, “How many of us would feel whole without the titles we attach ourselves to?”, “How would we feel if we weren’t defined as a writer, a speaker, an influencer, a leader, or a “public figure?” “If one day we were stripped of all the things that fill our egos, would we be able to face ourselves in the mirror?”

To live day by day and be happy with who we are and rejoice in the fact that we are alive should be enough to fill us with gratitude, but many of us aren’t grateful. We could get everything we ever wanted and still be miserable, because we’re chasing fame and validation instead of loving who we are.

3. We struggle with comparison and envy, even among our friends.

You’ve studied the self-help books, you’ve taken a social media break, and believe that you’ve overcome envy and comparison. Then, you find yourself scrolling through Instagram one night and come across a friend’s page.

She just got engaged, she’s traveling around the world, she has the job and everything ‘appears’ to be perfect. A feeling of anxiety overcomes you and you suddenly realize you are envious. It has happened to all of us at least once in our lives and as much as we struggle with shame for feeling envy, it is a human emotion.

We often measure our worth and progress in life against our peers because seeing other people’s progress could be seen as a threat to our own success. However, we all have unique paths and our own success stories, so there shouldn’t be any comparison. The only reason we should ever look at other people’s lives is to be inspired or to help someone.

4. Anxiety makes life harder than it needs to be.

Facing the world with anxiety often feels like walking on a tightrope and fearing you are going to fall any minute. Nothing ever feels relaxed. You fear making mistakes, you dwell on what someone said to you and how they said it, you feel the need to always please others and you have a fear of not being liked. It’s this cycle of trying to balance existing. It isn’t easy struggling with anxiety and facing the world every day while putting on a brave face just to seem ‘tough.’

5. We feel like social media validates us.

If we can put the bullshit aside and be honest for a second, our social media pages are a creation of the life we wish we had without the realities of everyday life. The reason why social media makes so many people feel depressed is because everyone is secretly in competition with each other and some of us just post for validation or because we want to keep up with others. Nothing feeds our egos more than likes, congratulations, followers, and having people say, “I look up to you.” A lot of us would feel inadequate without social praise.

6. Relationships make us feel like we are accepted in society.

Not all, but some of us secretly feel like being in a relationship is an achievement. When we get married, we feel like we have arrived and it is more acceptable to have someone to love than to be alone or to never marry. The truth is that society just places way too much emphasis on relationships and fails to acknowledge that self-love is needed, whether you are in a relationship or single.

7. Self-love is an everyday battle.

So many self-love articles make it seem as though self-love can be achieved overnight. While it is true that taking steps every day to get to a place of self-love is necessary, you will have days where you don’t love yourself. You will have days where you criticize every part of your body or your face and compare yourself to others. There will be days you question if you are enough. That doesn’t mean you aren’t making any progress, it means you are human.

8. We question if we know what we are doing

Are we smart enough in comparison to our peers at work and school? Do we have the knowledge or the skills to survive if we are offered the job of our dreams? No one teaches us how to live or exist. There is no handbook. If we are really honest with ourselves, we evolve based on the passing of information from others from generation to generation. No one knows what they are doing. You aren’t alone in your confusion.

9. Pretending to be strong every day is hard.

I won’t say we aren’t strong, because we are. Living and going through the challenges of everyday life is strength. Getting up every single day and fighting through depression, anxiety, grief, insecurities, uncertainty, or financial struggles is strength.

Being human means we are strong because we keep going even if we feel like giving up. But pretending to be strong in moments where we want to crumble is difficult because we have days when reality can no longer be hidden. There are days where not even a glossy photo on social media or an accomplishment can mask our pain.

10. In the end, we all just want to make it.

At the end of the day, we all just want to make it in life, whatever that means to us as individuals. We all want to find happiness and we hope that all the efforts we put forth daily will one day be worth it. As much as we portray a perfect picture to our friends and families on social media, the true core of who we are is human. We laugh, we cry, we struggle, we doubt, we fight every single day to be the best person we can be while we’re here on this earth. And that is enough.

Here’s to the things we wish we could say out loud.


1. Your dreams. The person you’re dating is supposed to support you and encourage you. They’re meant to push you toward your dreams, not rip you away from them. If your person is trying to convince you to give up on your dreams for their own benefit (whether it’s to spend more time with you or keep you in your hometown or assure he’s the more successful one in the relationship) then you really need to rethink your attachment to him. It’s entirely possible to achieve success in your career and success in your relationship. You don’t have to choose one over the other — at least, not when you’re with the right person.

2. Your friends. If your friends are treating you terribly and your boyfriend points it out, then yes, you should leave them behind in order to find people who treat you better. But if your boyfriend is trying to pull you away from your friends because he doesn’t like them for some reason you can’t wrap your head around, then you shouldn’t let him change your mind about your friends. You shouldn’t let him guilt trip you when you decide to spend time with them. You shouldn’t let him convince you they are only dragging you down. You’ve known them forever. You’ve only known him for a short while. You don’t want to sacrifice lifelong friendships in order to please a guy who may or may not stay in your world for much longer.

3. Your morals. You shouldn’t give into peer pressure — and your person shouldn’t be pressuring you in the first place. They should respect your boundaries. If you’re uncomfortable with the idea of drinking or smoking or having sex too early in the relationship, then you shouldn’t do those things in order to impress him. You should stick to your guns, stick to your morals, stick to doing what you think is best.

4. Your hobbies. If your boyfriend calls your hobbies childish or looks down on you for engaging in them, you shouldn’t quit. You shouldn’t change your entire personality in order to please him. If he doesn’t like you exactly the way you are, if he cannot accept you for you, then he’s clearly not the right person for you. He doesn’t have to have all the same interests as you in order to respect your hobbies and be happy that they make you happy.

5. Your plans for the future. As much as you adore him, you don’t want to end up resenting him one day in the future. That’s why you shouldn’t give up your dreams of having kids for him — or give up your dreams of never having kids for him. If you want completely different things, then it doesn’t matter how much you love each other. Love doesn’t mean you belong together. Love doesn’t mean you’re supposed to sacrifice the life you’ve always dreamed about in order to keep him around. That’s not fair to you and it’s not fair to him either. TC mark


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