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The idea that you need to love yourself before you can love anyone else — or be loved by anyone else — is bullshit. But at the same time, it’s significantly harder to date when you don’t love yourself because your insecurities are at the forefront of your mind.

You have trouble believing people are authentic when they swipe right on dating apps or call you beautiful or ask you on a date with them. There’s a nagging part of your brain that warns you they must be screwing with you or stringing you along or trying to get something out of you. You have a hard time believing anyone would want to date you and only you when the world is packed with so many beautiful, talented people. You assume everyone else sees you the way you see yourself. As nothing special.

It’s hard to date when you don’t love yourself because you hesitate to put yourself out there. You walk into situations assuming the worst. You assume you’re going to get rejected. You assume you’re going to make a fool of yourself. You assume you’re going to end up heartbroken.

Since you can’t even imagine something good happening to you, most of the time, you don’t even try. You let opportunities pass you by. You scroll by pictures of your crush without hitting the like button. You break eye contact too early. You avoid walking up to anyone attractive or sending the first text out of fear of being ignored.

It’s hard to date when you don’t love yourself because when you find someone who treats you right, you aren’t sure how to handle the sudden surge of affection. You aren’t used to being treated with so much tenderness. You expect to be treated as a backup plan or punching bag. You expect to be abandoned and heartbroken. You have trouble accepting unconditional love from someone else because you’ve never even shown that kind of love to yourself.

It’s hard to date when you don’t love yourself because your doubts get the best of you. Even once you’re in a stable, healthy relationship, you need constant reassurance. You need to know your person hasn’t grown bored of you, hasn’t lost interest in you, hasn’t strayed from you. You need to hear those three little words as much as humanly possible because silence scares you. The unknown scares you.

It’s hard to date when you don’t love yourself because you have trouble understanding where your person is coming from. You don’t understand why they would want to be in a relationship with you, why they would stay loyal to you, why they would dedicate their lives to you. Your trust issues might start some accidental fights because you can’t wrap your head around why your person loves you so much when you can’t feel the same love for yourself.

It’s hard to date when you don’t love yourself, which is why you should take some time to work on getting to know yourself better. That way, whether or not you’re in a committed relationship, you’ll always feel loved. TC mark


Source: https://thoughtcatalog.com/holly-riordan/2019/07/its-hard-to-date-when-you-dont-love-yourself/

Complaining all the time is going to make you come across as a grouchy, negative person — even worse, it’s going to make you feel miserable. It’s going to make each hour feel longer and each week feel like an eternity.

If you wish things were different in your world, then you can make changes. You don’t have to do anything too extreme like breakup with your boyfriend or quit your job or move across the country. Sometimes, little changes can have just as big of an impact.

If you’re bored in your relationship, get on the internet and search for some new date ideas you can try. Instead of sitting at the same restaurant you’ve visited every weekend since your first date, go to an escape room or go ziplining or rent jet skis.

Try something you’ve never tried before — or go out on a night when you usually stay in. That way, you won’t have to wait until the weekend to feel like you’re spending quality time together. You can look forward to the middle of the week, even if the only thing you’re doing is attending a book club together or going to the gym together.

If you’re annoyed with where you work, then you might be able to make little changes to make Monday through Friday more bearable. Maybe your boss wouldn’t mind if you wore headphones to listen to music or a podcast while you worked. Maybe you could pack a more exciting lunch than your usual sandwich so you have something to look forward to during the first half of your shift. Maybe you could spend the commute home listening to an audiobook or catching up with friends you haven’t seen in a while on the phone.

If you’re sick of living in your town, you might not have to move across the country in order to make yourself feel better. Maybe you can drive another town over on weekends for dinner and drinks so you experience a new variety. Maybe you can sign up for Masterclasses to interact with people across the country from inside of your own home. Maybe you can ‘visit’ friends in other states by playing video games with them online or Facetiming them while you’re both eating dinner so it feels like you’re in the same room.

When something in your world is making you unhappy, you don’t have to throw up your hands and say it is what it is. You can choose to make changes. You can choose not to live a miserable life.

All of the time you spend complaining is time wasted. Instead of moping about how much you hate your life, do something to change it. No, you might not have enough cash saved to quit your job on the spot or move across the country on a whim, but you can get creative. You can make tiny changes that will make your world a lot more exciting. You just have to put in the thought. You just have to put in the effort. TC mark


Source: https://thoughtcatalog.com/holly-riordan/2019/07/stop-complaining-and-change-something/

One of the worst feelings in the world is emptiness, numbness, hopelessness.

You don’t want to sit there and do nothing but it’s hard for you to find the energy to rise from bed without hitting snooze at least three times in a row. You have trouble finding the energy to kickstart your day because you aren’t sure what you’re supposed to do. You aren’t sure what’s going to make you happy. You aren’t sure which steps you’re supposed to take in order to reach a place of fulfillment.

If you had any clue about which direction to head toward, then maybe you would be able to conjure up some motivation, but you are completely and utterly lost. You don’t know what you want outside of broad terms like happiness and success and friendship and meaning. 

You get caught in a dangerous cycle because you don’t have the energy to get work done so you spend the majority of your day doing nothing, but then you feel guilty about doing nothing. Instead of being productive, you end up stewing in your own self-pity. You end up feeling sorry for yourself and wishing you could make a change instead of taking the steps to make that change.

Of course, change is hard. When you’re feeling empty, it’s hard to find the energy to give a shit about yourself. You know you should be laying the groundwork to create a better future for yourself but you keep thinking about the past. You keep dwelling on everything that has gone wrong and the only time you think about the future is to think of what else could go wrong down the line.

When you’re feeling empty, it’s tempting to give up on yourself — but you cannot allow your worst fears to win. You cannot assume you’re going to fail. You cannot assume there is no point in trying.

You have to believe in yourself. At the very least, you have to respect yourself.

Even though it’s hard to get out of bed when you’re feeling empty, let alone cross items off your to-do list, you don’t want to spend too much time in your bedroom, wasting away the hours until it’s time to fall back asleep again. You don’t want to allow your routine to repeat itself day after day in the worst possible way. You don’t want to let your regrets keep piling up until they’re the only thing on your mind. You don’t want to give up on yourself, even accidentally.

When you’re feeling empty inside, it’s easy to assume you’re going to feel that way forever, but that doesn’t have to be the case. If you fight through the way you’re feeling right now, if you take the necessary steps to care for your mental health and to move forward toward a brighter future, then the empty feeling might go away sooner than you expect. You might end up happier than you ever imagined yourself. You might feel whole again. TC mark


Source: https://thoughtcatalog.com/holly-riordan/2019/07/even-when-youre-feeling-empty-dont-give-up-on-yourself/

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